What is time?
What is sleep?
Do we even know of such
luxuries?
The experience of never ending
nothing-ness
the cycle of everything
without
without senseless meaning
but at times
you sit and wonder
about the many little times
you wondered
what the hell you are doing
its purpose
your purpose
and its impacts
implications
and the reality of
the surreality of
the reality
how does one go from here
is it real
or what isnt
how does one tell
if it will all make sense when its over
is it too early to start
or should one just
continue with the burying of thoughts
in the continual strive
for excellence in academia
how would we know if
it is true
and our purpose in its truth
there is no darkness
there is no light
there is nothing at all
all time and sleep is lost
space and efforts are gained
or not
is there contemplation of
the nothing-ness
among the nothingness
what will happen?
What is sleep?
What is time?
How do we go from here?
18:00
one
two
[ one+two ]
more impending..
16:39
little prayer
Orange is alive;
Tangerine is back and dragging.
Ataecina is chuckling,
the winds seem to disclaim its ownership.
Chocoko is dead;
Saving the coco for the day;
another bang in the bank.
Rob the world in a different light,
send the children in a gaping fright.
Send your warlords to the east of heavens,
and bring your definitions to the west of home.
Come sing this little children song of
little laziness and hopeless wonderment,
worrying of 'morrow that never exist.
These little stones miles so far,
they seem to eat the skin with sand.
How far we seem to wonder,
at how small and the moment of time,
the being of moment.
Why do we dream?
These little pasts of big hopes,
all sprawled into different sights of matted rope.
Questions and answers,
pauses and movements.
There's a black kitty on top of my screen.
It is fuzzy and full of warmth.
Temperature that reeks of mindless third dimensional slaughter
of floating time and stupefied senselessness.
The wonderment and guilt of nothing and decomposition.
Save your sorry souls from life,
for sins have come to claim their confessions.
It
'emon
22:27
2000000000000 bytes
Two Billiard? ( ... )
Is it safe? Supposedly the Super Ultimate Master Backup, now starlight
ocean-door went back into the sea, ive no idea how to pick up the missing pieces, pisses me off. (data recovery free to NTSC users only)
one billiard is goneth.
two billiard is cometh.
and when i thought there's the whole world to save, it has actually been a month from now (all this while). There are plans, but there are no plans.
Everything feels so weird now.
feels so weird now.
so weird now.
weird now.
now.
now that im drifting, my bearings are wearing.
15:56
i has a sushi!! (finally)
innow
areyouhappynow?
matriculation
me.tea.cue.lay.sion
y/n?
a bunch of things, and spiders along the way.
so many
am still waiting for tomorrow, if it ever existed.
somehow it always does; this tomorrow when everything will be done.
things that will be complete, deadlines burned.
one waiting for another to complete, and in this time the whole world begins to wait upon nothingness.
and therefore as such.
the end
the weather sucks
19:32
de-satisfy the gods
the last time anything was processed here was probably half a billion eons ago.
for now this shall suffice.
it's quite a mess now, not being a mess.
and i have totally forgotten what i wanted to say.
oh yes and the issues of pence and sense, pants and cents, rants and tense.
big small medium large.
left (forgot all those html wiz-code stuff)
anyway.
will be jack in a biffy.
Souzou ni isshou kenmei genjitsu wa zettai zetsumei
22:29
312108
Strawberry Fields Forever~
It’s the time of the year again.
Like always.
Same tradition/thing/time
And to realize that ive completed less than a third of this year’s resolutions. Then again, I never knew that this year would turn out to be… rather interesting and totally out of the ordinary.
To be very exact, it was totally unexpected.
Carrying on from the previous year or the start of this (which is going to be complete in approximately three hours time) I landed up in hell. Literally hell on earth and soon I realized like any other story (that included hell being in the plot), one cannot just leave hell as such, you signed it with your life, the moment you were born. Most or rather all of the dreams were crisped in the demonic fires within the hell hole where everything goes in and nothing comes out.
That is when and where I found out how truly horrifying and sad reality can be, to be honest, it was one of (the) worst times.
One month in the hole seemed like one year. Everyday was a drag with the usual shit and a retarded demon monkey irritant constant poking his nose hair into everything. But after some while, you realized (there was a lot of realization work done then) that it wasn’t too bad and it was about time to accept this change, this so called horrible fate. I had to apply for university when I was in hell. Squeezing every bit of my free time, all night outs and book outs to prepare for the entrance. It was practically everything and I almost bit myself (metaphorically) during the process. But it wasn’t bad after all, there was something else which kept me alive, motivated to get me through this hell. And though the job was out of my league and boring me to the worst and most barren places of my imagination. And I forced myself to make change (think I’ve already said that), and it was a lot of forcing, until I realized that I wasn’t the only one in such a horrible fate. And fate has a really sadistic way of playing with lives, if not exciting and totally unpredictable. During the two months in the ice hotel, it was looking forth to every mid week and weekend and all the meals, basically most of the simplest of things; surprisingly it was when I had the most of creative sparks, and the least. Because of the bore, I had to do things that kept my insanity and creativity in touch, drawing random crap and drafts kept me intact. I never knew why I even wanted to sign up previously; was probably the whole propaganda thing.
During all this time, I was looking for a way out, there was and nothing could stop me from looking for it. In fact, I fought all my way to it. And in the mids of all of it, the best of my dreams came through.
I entered what I considered the most prestigious and best job I could serve my two years in. I was truly thankful and blissful; of course not forgetting to pull talents out from the hellhole with me.
That began my life in SAFFU: the home of the mages.
In less than a few months, I was reconnected to my editing magic and it felt like internship all over again. The job, the editing, everything. It was simply heaven on earth and the best of the best. And as usual, I topped it like some mad workaholic and very soon, when change came into the team; everything changed.
Everything.
Learning about possibly everything and anything I couldn’t learn if I didn’t step into this mystical gaiden. It was truly a dream come through and soon after which, everything came rushing in non-stop.
After being in hell for two months, I walked into a real dream; actually killing two birds with one stone. And on top of that joy, a few months after that I was accepted into my course of study in the university, which added on to the bliss.
What I must say is that this year’s really blissful, lucky and full of learning experience, good stuff and nothing less of it. Even adding some new pieces to my portfolio, not only portfolio stuff, but wow.
I truly learned to become a mage, despite still being an ‘apprentice’, on the job level I’m not much of a padawan, and in fact learning to take my own padawans, but maybe later.
Everything went fast and boom.
One thing I must say is that I had finally learnt the greater parts of final cut, despite still being a prawn in it; not knowing all the advanced features, but then again, I’m really proud or should I say well honored to have done several videos that were fantastic enough for distinguished people to view them. Not that I’m all hung up about the prestige, but those were really smacking good ones; probably an overdose of randomness and craziness which got the good stuff rolling. And I finally started on the wonderful world of colouring in final cut pro, something that I’ve always wanted to do.
And I did say I wanted to go back into 3d and get working on many stuff, like after effects and all. But I went on a completely different track by changing the office into a totally different place, not entirely but slowly. Ai and all, doing logos and probably it might be my shot to get one of my works to be recognized as a real logo. One that would be used in t-shirts and all.
It’s all about the remaking, and to be honest, one of the powerhouses to be leading this reelvolution of an ancient commodity to a stylistic brand. And unexpectedly earning myself quite a reputation, and it was quite unwanting too, but very like honx to do so. Being oneself is always being different; somehow that doesn’t make a league of sense but it will ( I think )
Then there were all the fuss about clients and stuff. How idiots become the people of expertise, thinking that they know what they want and have a vague idea of what they are doing and expect you to cough up a Taj Mahal by Thursday, when today’s Monday. And unexpectedly earned the titles of wizards or mages, and in some rare cases: gods. To be honest, the titan title isn’t much of an exaggeration, taking into considering the life and jobs that we do back at the mage council. Being able to do anything and everything possible to save or give some people a video or something so that they can please their bosses. And occasionally, you find yourself so into the job that you do galaxies beyond their expectations and they ask the whole world to see your video; and now you’re on to take on the universe, with a lot of pain and suffering.
Really cool stuff and it’s not a drag to go back, well it IS physically, when I had to previously run for the stupid shuttle bus and they have wonderful services.
Getting into trouble without knowing what trouble is, and taking on the job of a keykeeper and a demi-god at the sametime. Being the ghost and weekend monster at your workplace, and blasting the standards to sky high; and when you realize it, it’s too late to change. Anyway, the more challenge the better.
Everything changed, and though much of the old tales still hang in the air. And most of the time forgetting who you really are suppose to be and where you are/ what you’re doing/supposed to do. Trying or hoping to have greater change but you realize that another mask is appearing; one that should have been long gone. It might have been true, but it wasn’t so probably it’s just mistaking everything and coming back, hoping for change. But one can’t be so lucky or good in everything. But it’s a bitter sweet thing, no that’s a wrong expression, more of like i-want-it-yet-i-do-not-want-it kind of thing. Seeing both practicality and non-realism in it, but somehow you want to defy it, not being a deviant, but because there’s a natural want ( I think ). It is there, and stirred most of the time, but it has to be controlled and put under care; and best of all put away: totally. And almost all the time, you just slip into this other world and totally forget, forget what you’ve tried to build and ruin it, if not realize the reality and ruin it yourself, with your own hands ( you made it from ) – doesn’t sound like English.
Funny thing that almost all the resolutions of this year weren’t even complete, and all of them centered on change/improvements – anyway aren’t resolutions about that? Then again there was change, subtle or not, and yes of course not forgetting the worrying death of Tangerine (Acacia – though acacia is still around) and the entrance of Ataecina: the super roswell powerhouse – really a powerhouse now, but still is; and I’ll wish it to be better. A lot of things changed then, being tied down to one dying orange was really bad. But then again, the roswell weapon came with a rather big price, but I was totally glad and awseomnated to have it. Took quite a bit of effort, mostly the decision thing, the money issue, and yea.
Issues; don’t even know if it’ll even be cleared up. Then again, im rather tired of it. All the while, it goes up and down. And somehow, I always wonder what it would be like in the future, in all the different paths, the different universes. Although I know it wasn’t good or whatever the case was, all seemed possible, scary but yet comforting; probably in a very strange and weird way, because somehow it doesn’t match up at all.
All the weird stuff that keeps repeating year after year, I think ever since. Trying to stop it, but then again I don’t think it can be stopped, or rather. It’s in quite a tough boat.
And somehow, it was loads of movies this year, somehow, more than the rest. Blah blah blah, really wonderful and a phenomena.
And also breaking this year’s resolutions, or rather forgetting about them, just because I got too lazy or something; probably it’s just that, getting all lazy and really busy, and also busy making up busy excuses. And sometimes trying to be someone else, takes you away, but then, when you come back, it’s sad. I really don’t know, but sooner or later it’ll be gone with the plan.
I think I remember saying it before, I did say/was determined to do it. But that one got worse, or rather was the latter worse; nothing the matter. I should really act this time, funny though some things that happen and didn’t happen. Probably it’s just me, chances and unchances that a second step untaken, if not in procrastination. I should be getting me somewhere in oh nine, or rather.
And the theme for this year’s would be bliss and change; sounds really corny but well it is. It’s a blasting good year, though it didn’t end in a good note ( not that it has already ended, but well it didn’t really end in a good note, with stuff happening, the old stuff, I think I did mention something about some mutation the previous year’s or the year before)
Resolutions resolutions.
The getting back into regime thing still hasn’t hit me, probably has been bugging me, but too lazy to be bugged by it at all. Or rather trying to do something but not doing anything about it.
Yes and I forgot, the driving thing, crazy thing it is, sure is. Somehow feeling kind of out; foolish and probably ( I don’t know the word). Probably foolish is the best one. How everything has been seeming, and yet, I still bang on the same reasons, and probably they’d stick with me (foralongtime).
Anyway 2009 is coming and a new year is coming ahead, really looking forward to disruption, yes and no. no and yes.
Can hardly wait!!
Right.
Resolutions
realistic
- Finish the collection before disruption ( threeish of seventeen done)
- Finish the highway code stuff before disruption (will be extremely challenging, but what must be done must be done)
- Revamp ilovecarrots.com (time for change)
- The regime thing ( it’s still on) *
- The book thing ( to be honest, I did get it moving, did get something up, but the engine’s still cold, just maybe defrosting) *
somethings
- Might want to do something about the hovel – film rolls, CDs and stuff
- More media/creative stuff – blah blah blah
- FCP FCP FCP
- Avid?
Alright. Should be all.
But somehow, im totally not in the mood for new year’s.
Cheers 2009!! (even though this year’s waaaaay earlier)- yes and I’m spending my eve watching batman and creating pointless games
20:49
it has already been a year
sure it's fast
real fast
and everything suddenly swells up into a whole
and you realise that everything else is catching up
change may be the only constant but everything is trying to stop it
everything
doesn't matter, does it?
the point
19:45
blah blah blah
blahblahblah
so for and such;
therefore as such.
it's a funny thing how things really evolve
IX into wish, wish into Phenomena, and Phenomena into ( )
Sounds big, too many things to put together, and im still having loads and an impossible amount of input/ideas rushing all the while. Don't really know when or how to start, it's amazing, amazingly titanic: think iceberg.
But rw's still the better thing out there, almost totally original in style and flavour. You hardly find worlds out there like rw nowadays, for they have all be long forgotten and drowned into the the world of profit and extreme-visual-makeovers-which-destroy-the-plot
And it will and be very probably be put into motion; film/visuals, terribly tempting.
yes
it has began .
18:23
